Two days ago I made a promise to two close friends. This is really noteworthy as I DO NOT make promises I can’t keep. However, I am starting to doubt whether this was a realistic promise to make and what constitutes keeping it or breaking it.
After an extremely tough week, self harming a ridiculous amount, being diagnosed with bipolar disorder- as definitely as they can diagnose me- ,struggling supporting my best friend and keeping myself alive, I made this promise:
“I promise I really am going to try.”
OK I am now going to try and define myself limits for this, as trying really could include anything and I really don’t want to break it. The more I think about it the less likely it looks that I will be able to keep it.
1. I will try everything I can think of to distract me from cutting, and will only do it if it is a total last resort- this includes trying to contact friends before I do it- although I am still struggling with the idea, as I hate to be annoying and don’t want to piss anyone off.
2. I will not attempt suicide- it’s going to be a hard one.
3. I will try really hard to complete my uni work, hopefully on time.
4. I will try really hard to remain positive.
5. I will try to keep going as best I can and try to see the good in life.
6. I will try not let myself take on too many of other people’s problems.
7. I will take my medication.
8. I will not give up.
Progress so far- in the last 2 days:
I am still majorly struggling with everything, but am trying to remain positive.
I have written a list of things I like and enjoy.
I have worked really hard on uni work, despite the lack of progress to show for it.
I have not taken on anyone else’s problems.
I have taken my medication
I am still alive.
I have not cut myself in 2 days!
Here’s hoping it will continue.
