Brain fog and brain fuck.

I started the day with a not so huge list of things to do today, which my parents are expecting me to have done.  One.  Practice Bagpipes, Two. Write conclusion of Lit review.

Progress…..I wrote 3 sentences.  That’s it.  Oh yeah and drank 3 cups of coffee and sneaked out for 2 sly fags.

The rest of the day was spent in bed hoping that the neverending roundabout of negative thoughts would stop.

My brain is in a total fog and the only things that have clarity are the completely useless to me fucked up thoughts.

Question:How is the research is relevant to my profession?

Answer: You have a profession? You’re too thick to graduate, you’re crap, you’d get it done if you stepped away from msn, why is he talking to you anyway you’re a complete mess, you have nothing interesting to say, oh he’s not doing great, don’t bother trying to help you’ll make things worse, how could anything you say be helpful to anyone…….etc etc etc on and on and on.

There is huge amounts of guilt flying about….not getting anything done, not helping, not taking meds, not coping, not being ill, being lazy, being thick, being completely incompetant to do anything.  Oh jeez it just doesn’t stop.

Please someone make it stop.  My head still hurts and I want to curl up and hide forever.