N.B. She is in fact the cats mother.
She doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with me.
I know I make things worse than they are…I think.
She thinks I don’t want to stop.
She doesn’t believe in me that I can.
If she doesn’t believe this/in me how can I believe it myself.
Maybe I don’t believe there is anything wrong, that I can stop.
I am not sure I want to die, but I really don’t want to continue living this way. I know a change won’t happen overnight. I have waited lots of nights, tried for lots of nights to change. But i can’t.
I am relying on her too much- I must be or else why would her opinion mean so much.
Maybe I couldn’t kill myself because I didn’t believe I could rather than because I didn’t believe I wanted to die.
I don’t believe in me. Not anymore. Today just proved it.
