I didn’t get the job. Oh well.
Apparently my interview techique was ok and there were only a couple of things I could have done better. I didn’t get it on the basis that I could only keep the job until November and they wanted someone more permanent. She said I came across as a nice girl, which I guess is a bonus. I don’t feel like a nice girl.
How come I can’t see what other people see?
I had an appointment with my registrar that I don’t like at the hospital yesterday. I told her what had been going on. She wasn’t concerned at all. She gave me an appointment to see my consultant as she is leaving (thank god) but said I couldn’t change the date of it as he is really busy, despite me telling her that my parents might actually want to see me on my birthday- the date the appointment is for. Oh well.
I told her that my gp had increased my medication. Her words were- “well we try and get people stable on the least medication that we can, and o the dose you were on you seemed to be ok, but you were on that dose before so if that’s what you want then I am happy to leave it at that dose. Hang on, Stable????? I have had more frequent ups and downs this month than I have had in a year before starting to see her and going on this medication, I thought mood stabilisers were supposed to stop this.
I have been pretty much continuously suicidal for god knows how long recently, some of it coming quite close to be acted on. How the hell does that come under the terms “stable” or “doing quite well”?? I don’t understand, really I don’t. People around me have been panicking like nobodies business, my gp has been called on twice recently because people around me have been worried, and my normal gp when she came back her holidays was even concerned. What is this woman on? OK we’ve never seen eye to eye but really?
I am totally confused- maybe this is all in my head?
I’ll bet she’s decided these are all borderline traits and put me on the shelf- again.
Makes me doubt the experiences I have had recently and wonder whether I have been totally overreacting. I don’t know.
