I didn’t manage to post here yesterday as it was such a hectic day. I went to the appointment with the random psych at 11.30am who said that in her opinion that I am really quite depressed. Guess I think I am better than I am. In my opinion hiding under the duvet was perfectly acceptable if a little disruptive to my schedule. Apparently in psych world it isn’t. So she started me on mirtazapine 15mgs for 3 days then up to 30mgs for a month then reviewed in January in addition to continuing with lamotrigine. I wasn’t all that impressed with her choice of medication but I will give it a try. She tried so hard to reassure me about the weight gain but I am still terrified I am going to totally balloon. I feel as if I have just got my weight to a stable acceptable weight, having lost a bit over the last few weeks. The other thing she said was that it would make me sleepy and help me at night but was likely to knock me out over the first three days before the dose goes up.
Knock me out, well it certainly did that. I slept solidly through last night and until now (5.30pm) I have not been able to stay awake longer than five minutes at a time. I feel so lazy. I am not even dressed which even in my most depressed states I have always found unacceptable and at least made the effort to get dressed. I will try taking it earlier today and going to bed really early in the hope that I will be able to actually function tomorrow. I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow at 3pm so I will really have to be up and sorted well before then.
My two big problems now are what to tell the parents – they are under the impression i am fine and what to tell the uni, as i am scared they won’t let me continue with the year if they think I am ill again. I am going to try and phone them tomorrow after the Drs appointment once I find out what’s happening. Realistically I don’t think there is any way I am going to get signed on again tomorrow. I am totally gutted as my future is once again on the line. It reallly sucks and I want to go back to bed.
