Well I survived 4 years I wasn’t supposed to. I can’t really say I lived for fours years because a lot of it has just been scraping by. There have been good times, amazing times, lots of OK times and many times where I am just at rock bottom.
At the moment I have kind of managed to catch myself before I got to rock bottom which is good because in the past with every episode of depression I have found a new level of rock bottom and have come increasingly closer to committing suicide with each episode.
So today I have a meeting with uni to see where I go from here, what my deadlines should be and more importantly how realistic they are and what support I will be given to help me meet them.
This afternoon I have the talk at A and E which I am surprisingly not too nervous about but come 1pm when I pick up my support worker I am sure I will be shitting bricks.
So all is well so far although I am just up. This is the earliest I have been up (aoart from the nights I couldn’t sleep) since I dropped out of placement. The mirtazapine is making me foggy and I’ve lost count of the amount of furniture I have walked into the last few days. About three things already today- 45 minutes in. At least my sleeping is starting to balance out- I hope. I slept 9 hours last night and was awake 15 minutes before my alarm went off. As opposed to swinging between not sleeping at all to crashing for days this is an improvement. Hopefully things will continue to get back into a balance. Here’s hoping.
