I am n0w back at home for the holidays. Home is good because I don’t have to be arsed doing the essentials- my food is cooked and my washi8ng is done. Home is bad because I have to see people , eat lots and pretrend all is well. So in general being at home equals major stress for me. Things are alright here so far my sister and I haven’t argued yet which is impressive given that she’s been at home since yesterday pm. That must be a new record for us!
The quiet family xmas I was hoping for is not to be, my gran an aunt, two uncles and possibly another aunt and uncle are all coming to ours for dinner. As if boxing day wasn’t shit enough my Nana is coming to spend the day with us then. Sucks.
Our xmas tree and decorations went up today as our family arew horrendously disorganised. I left my flat with not an xmas decoration in sight! Bah Humbug.
On the mood side of things I am feeling a little better. This is I think due to the fact that I am now sleeping thanks to the new meds. I have decided that I will give the meds a months trial but at the moment it looks like they will be binned at next psych appointment. It has been a week and a half, things have improved a little as meds have improved sleep = GOOD. I have put on a stone…what’s that I hear you ask…is it even possible to put on 14lbs in 10 day?s. Yes apparently it is. Putting on weight= VERY VERY BAD END OF THE WORLD TYPE STUFF. I am currently 3lbs away from my highest ever weight. I try so hard to keep it under control and had just managed to get my weight to a nice acceptable number where it was hovering nicely but not precariously. Now it is like someone attatched a rocket pack to that number and sent it skyward. Weight gain is acceptable over xmas though so I will not dispair but will keep a not too obsessive eye on it. If the weight touches 10 stone they are going in the bin.
Having read this it sounds very much like I have an eating disorder. I don’t but I like to be in control and right now there is nothing within my control if my weight goes up. Argh. Stress.
